/// all that ever holds somebody back, I think, is fear. for a minute I had fear. then I went into the dressing room and shot my fear in the face...LG



so since my last post i've moved to nyc and now i understand why the people who move here fall off the radar for awhile because getting settled is not easy & it takes obvious time, but more so i've never felt so exhausted in my life. more than physical exhaustion (yes, i moved here in winter so every time i want to step my foot out the door i've already burned atleast 50 calories- the process begins with layering -two shirts, coat, gloves, scarf, maybe hat, leggings, then jeans or two pairs of leggings, socks, boots, maybe umbrella) you get the jist. i was prepared for this and knew it wouldn't be easy- the biggest part is allowing myself to be exhausted, to sleep in a bit... i really think i'm prbly catching up on lost sleep from when i decided to move here which was in the end of december. selling almost every last thing i owned and at one point searched for and had to have was like a cutting of cords and way way more emotional than i could have ever imagined. yes they were just things, but they were my things that worked hard for. i had built a life for myself in los angeles and a cozy one at that. BUT and there is a big but here, every time i walk out the door with 5lbs of clothes on i'm without a doubt reminded why i yearned to move to this city at just 12years old- the energy is incomparable. its has this certain-as the french would say, "je ne se quois." it can't be explained, but it resonates. it's easy to get caught up in fear, struggle, stress, etc etc when you are introduced to a new situation or other one known as that scary word "CHANGE" (& trust me it was a roller coaster of emotions & still is but it's only been a little over two weeks and i've never trusted my intuition more). granted, i am by no means a creature of habit, i don't even think i've had my hair cut by the same person more than 3 times so i welcome the change and accept the discomfort because really this "newness, unknowing, displaced" feeling only lasts for so long before i know it i'll be riding the subway without  looking up and won't be googling/ yelping every last thing i do. the moment i mention to someone (who lives in ny) that i just moved they start gushing about nyc as if it was their first love, their favorite coffee shop, they are inexplicably infatuated with this city.. this is something i'm not used to in la, typically in la people that are not from california gush about the state (technically they mean so cal) but it's not often you find someone absolutely in love with la- the city itself. don't get me wrong i'm a california girl and i love the sunshine, the beach, the laid back attitude, but i do not miss la- i miss my friends who i consider family, but not the city itself. although i am VERY grateful for my time spent there because i believe i've grown considerably & look forward to unpacking the life lessons & experiences when needed out here. i remember the beginning of my journey when i left the suburbs of home for college in downtown los angeles and how wide-eyed & new to this "real" life thing i was - one my biggest lessons up until now is how fast time flies. when you're down the moment will pass & when your up don't let it pass you by soak it up, soak it up, soak it up & listen to your intuition.. that little thing that doesn't stop knocking. oh yea and never, EVER, forget your worth.


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